We all have our first time. This is my story:
I think I was 12 at the time, and I was at this girl's house for some kind of party... I think her name was Kate. Anyway, at some point she said she wanted to show me something, and brought me alone to her brother's room. She dug under his bed and took out a picture of a woman having sex with a dog. Then she kissed me. I'm as confused about this now as I was then.
A poem I composed about Trojan extended pleasure condoms.
I saw these condoms
inside is lined with some chemical that numbs your dick
so you can last longer
or wear it inside out, and you don't even have to wake her up
Every man gets caught jacking off sooner or later.
It was a bad night. I couldn't sleep, and had no idea what to do. My parents are still awake, it was midnight, and I was bored. So then I remembered that I had a drama presentation the next class and I played a rich guy so I needed a suit. I take out my suit, and get dressed. You know, the works. I even took out my top hat and my cane. Now it gets a little weird. I had to go downstairs in order to see how I looked as it's the only place with a full body mirror. My parents sleep on the same floor as me so I didn't want to wake them up. So I got this idea. I decided to turn on my TV so that my parents thought people were talking outside, and my footsteps would be noises they were making. I thought it would work, I was tired. I ran downstairs, checked myself out. I looked fine, so I went back into my room. Now by then the running in a suit had made me kind of itchy (down south), so I quickly undo my pants and release what was stuck and to relieve my itch with my hand. And my stepmom opens the door to the room and all I do is freeze in surprise. I don't know what she was thinking, but I can tell you the following it was midnight, I was in a suit and top hat, and I appeared to be jacking off to George from Seinfeld. And my stepmom just stood there in disbelief I can't tell you what ensued, but it involved attempted exorcism and lots of crying. Best night ever.
Love,
Teamfoot,
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
If yes, you just killed Beethoven.